


Phantasm

by mckinlily



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron) Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 22:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21107198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckinlily/pseuds/mckinlily
Summary: On a diplomatic mission, Allura is drugged with a substance that causes panic and hallucinations. She needs to get back to the Castle before the effects hit.Except Allura underestimates the strength of the drug. And everyone else has underestimated the strength ofAllura. It's a race against time before Allura becomes a danger to everyone--including herself.





	Phantasm

“Don’t eat the _mishmish _balls,” said Allura, almost casually as she placed the remainder of the ball she had just bitten into onto her plate. Its overpoweringly sweet filling oozed onto the rim.

“Why not—Ah!” Lance winced, and Allura removed her foot that had stomped on his under the table. He looked around and suddenly, his eyes went wide. “_Keith!_’

Keith was about to pop an entire _mishmish _ball into his mouth whole, but luckily what Lance lacked in subtlety, he made up with speed, and he smacked Keith across the back of his head hard enough to launch the _mishmish _across the table.

“Lance! What the—ow!”

Lance dug his elbow into Keith side and nodded (well, he might have _thought _it was subtly) to Allura.

She tried to appear calm and unaffected while also nailing Keith with a glare. “_Don’t eat it_,” she hissed through her sweet-stained teeth.

“Is everything all right, princess?” asked the High Leader (only two steps down from the Rising Leader and three from the Most Righteous Leader). The people of this planet had three, pupil-less eyes and no apparent need to blink, staring down Allura for the last varga.

Allura pulled on her most bland diplomatic smile. “Certainly. I’m afraid my paladins are just still a little keyed up from our last battle.”

Lance tilted his head, clearly trying to figure out what her angle was. Keith wasn’t nearly so smooth. You could practically read, _But we haven’t had a battle in quintents _written across his face.

Allura desperately wished Shiro were here. He was always able to pick up on her plans without a word. And he would be able to get the others to fall into line. Not to mention, he was the only one of the paladins with a lick of acting ability.

But Shiro had been needed with the Black Lion on the other side of planet, helping Pidge and Hunk dig out an underground city.

Leaving Allura alone with Keith and Lance.

The taste in her mouth really was sickeningly sweet. No amount of rubbing her tongue against her teeth could get rid of it.

“Was there more that you need from us?” Allura asked the High Leader. It took only a little more effort than usual to keep her voice level.

“The Most Righteous Leader will be ready to meet you in two varga,” said High Leader. “Are the refreshments not to your liking?”

“They were delicious, but I’m afraid it’s been a tiring day. Would you be willing to give us a moment to rest before meeting with the Most Righteous Leader?”

“Of course.” The High Leader folded their double sets of arms and bowed. “I will be back to lead you to the Most Righteous Leader in half a varga.”

As soon as they were gone, Keith and Lance pounced on her.

“What was that about?”

“What’s wrong with this mishmash stuff?”

“Don’t!” said Allura, snatched Lance’s hand away from where he was about to stick his finger into the sauce oozing on Allura’s plate. “It’s _mishmish_. And they’re filled with _argri _sap.”

Keith and Lance both blinked at her, not understanding. Allura sighed.

“It’s a substance that, when distilled, creates a heightened sense of fear in most species, leading the hallucinations and paranoia.”

“Why would they bake with then?” asked Keith.

“On Altea, _argri _sap wasn’t uncommon. In a diluted form and a safe environment it could create an altered state where—”

“Wait,” Lance’s eyes lit up. “Have _you _ever—?”

“Focus, Lance!” snapped Keith.

“_Thank _you,” said Allura firmly before Lance could fire back and derail them again. “As I was saying, Alteans used _argri _sap for purely recreational reasons. But there were other cultures, including one planet in this same system, that used it for more…troubling purposes. We have already seen that the Jirell here consider a display of fear shameful and a weakness.”

Lance’s eyes blew wide. “The Council,” he said.

“What?” said Keith.

Lance turned to him. “We’re supposed to meet with the Most Righteous Leader and the rest of the Council in less than a varga. If we show up paranoid or seeming worried about something that isn’t there, that will make us look bad in front of everyone. They’ll have more negotiating power!” Lance looked at Allura. “I mean, um, that’s right, isn’t it, Princess?”

“That is correct,” agreed Allura.

"All right,” said Keith. His bayard flashed into form in his hand. “What do we need to do?”

“Put your bayard away!” hissed Allura.

“Wait, you ate some of that mish-mush-whatever stuff,” said Lance. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m calling Shiro,” said Keith.

Lance nodded and summoned his bayard as well.

“Stop!” said Allura. She felt like her skin was just slightly too big and that awful sweet taste still wouldn’t dissipate in her mouth. She took a deep breath and eyed both of them with the most regal look she could muster.

“We are not going to contact Shiro. And we are not going to attack anyone. We are going to do nothing.”

“But—!”

Allura nailed Keith with a glare, and he fell silent.

“I am compromised, but the effects are slow acting. Once we get back to the Castle, Coran can manufacture an antidote and I will be fine.”

“But the Council…” said Lance, chewing his lip.

“Is entirely out of the picture now,” finished Allura. “We need to leave now, as quietly as possible. If we call Shiro for back up that will only draw attention that we do not want. We need to return to the Castle.”

Lance brow was furrowed. “Won’t us leaving now look like cowardice?”

“Better than Allura showing up raging like a lunatic!” said Keith. He glanced at Allura and ducked his head. “Um, I mean. If that’s—what happens.”

“I am not sure,” confessed Allura. She had tried _argri _sap once when she was young, practically still a child, before the war and she hadn’t particularly like it. She remembered…

Allura shoved down the prick of anxiety that brought on. She set her shoulders. “Either way, we need to leave.”

Lance nodded sharply. “Right on, Princess.” He hoisted his bayard in his arms, stepping beside her and shooting a cocky smile. “Lead the way!”

Allura drew herself up to her full princess bearing, knowing Lance was probably hamming it up for her benefit and doing her best not grow annoyed at it. “There is nothing to worry about,” she said with the kind of confidence that she had learned to fake well since waking up to lead a war. “It will all work out fine, so _put your bayards away._”

Lance sheepish and Keith sulky, they both holstered their bayards again. They would be ready again at a moments’ notice anyway, so there was no need to worry. There _wasn’t_.

Head held high, Allura lead the way out of the room.

The civilization of the planet they were on existed in two forms: One was in intricate underground cities, like the one Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge were out helping currently. The other were cloud cities, enclosed structures held up by spindly supports that kept the occupants far above the toxic rain that clouded the lower atmosphere. Allura, Lance, and Keith were currently in one of the cloud cities. If they were near the edge, they might have found a window with a glimpse of the yellow sky, but at the moment they were too far in.

“That way leads to the nearest hanger,” said Keith, pointing at a door in the hallway. To Allura’s surprise, he and Lance hadn’t trailed behind like normal but had flanked her, Lance one step ahead and Keith one behind.

“How’d you know that?” said Lance. “Wait, did Pidge give you the blueprints for the city? Why didn’t she give _me_ blueprints? _I’m_—”

“No, I just pay attention, idiot!”

“_Quiet!_” hissed Allura.

Lance jumped and looked back at her. “Are we really worried about someone hearing us?”

“It would be better they would not.”

Lance studied for a minute, but then he nodded. He turned to front, brows furrowed and shoulders hunched.

They took the turn Keith had pointed out. The hallway was deserted, but Allura didn’t want to spend more time here than she had to. It was a few moments before she realized that Lance and Keith were breathing hard to keep up.

“Hey, princess, think you could wait up a little?” panted Lance.

Allura’s shoulders tensed. “I don’t want—” Suddenly, she broke off and whipped around.

“What? What is it?” said Keith. He had his bayard out again, but this time Allura didn’t tell him to put it away.

Her ears twitched. Altean hearing was better than Earthlings’, she could have sworn… The hallway was empty. As much as Allura strained her ears, she couldn’t hear anything. But still the slight prickle at her back didn’t go away.

“Let’s go,” she said quiet and quick. Lance and Keith exchanged a look, but it was too quick and they fell in line anyway so Allura told herself it was fine.

She hoped it was fine. It had to be fine.

Allura strode down the hallway (walk, do not run), her eyes darting to the corners of her vision. She breathed deeply to counteract the heightened pulse of her heart. She was tense, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. Just a little further.

“Wait, Allura. Aren’t we going to the hangars?” said Keith.

Allura barely found the patience to pause. “Yes.”

“They’re that way,” he said, pointing to a turn off two doorways back.

“Jeeze, did you memorize the layout of the entire city?” said Lance, already turning back with Allura.

“Shiro said to always know your exits.”

“You literally _never _have an exit strategy! Or did I imagine Keith Airlock Incident number three thousand?”

“Get down!” hissed Allura. Not bothering to wait for either of them, she grabbed each around the neck and dragged them down with her, crouching behind a corner. For a moment, she was afraid she’d just imagined it again, but this time there were definitely footsteps and accompanied by chattering voices. Lance started to squirm, but she gave him a sharp squeeze and he went still. Allura held her breath, holding both Keith and Lance close as she waited for the two Jirell to pass.

It felt like a varga, but finally the footsteps and the voices faded. Allura let got of the paladins. Keith immediately blew out a gust of air, and Lance massaged his shoulder where Allura grabbed him. Oh. She might have been too forceful. But it was better than the alternative.

“Did we really have to hide?” said Keith, dark eyebrows furrowed. “We’re not prisoners here. Couldn’t we just walk out?”

“No.” Allura didn’t feel as clear minded as normal, but she knew that much. “We don’t want to be found.”

Keith and Lance exchanged another look. Lance gently rested his hand on her shoulder.

“Allura, are you okay?”

“Of course,” said Allura, brushing his hand off.

“Just… if there’s something you’re worried about, you can tell us. Keith and I have your back.”

On her other side, Keith nodded seriously, bayard activated at the ready.

Seeing their support didn’t warm her as much as it felt like it should have, but it did help her focus.

“Get your bayard out,” she told Lance. “We don’t want to be surprised.”

“But—” Lance opened his mouth but then closed it. He met her eyes seriously. “Yeah, o-okay.” He activated his bayard and settled it securely in his grip. “Lead on, Princess.”

Allura was already moving. They needed to get to the Castle. That was—They would be fine if they got to the Castle. She didn’t like that she was being followed, but—Wait. Those were her paladins. They were _supposed _to be with her. So why…? Allura resisted another deep spine prickle. It was all _fine. _She was the Princess. She could _do this. _Allura was getting close to her destination, she was positive, when she heard it.

A crash somewhere. And then a _cry_.

Allura froze. Keith just barely missed crashing into her. Altean translators were the best, second to none, but they couldn’t truly replicate the true thing and that—

The cry came again, this time accompanied by pleading, desperate words.

“That’s _Altean_.”

“What?”

Allura whipped around and started running back the way they came. “They have Alteans!”

“Wait, what?”

“Are you sure?”

Allura ignored them. There were Alteans. At least one, possibly multiple. In fact, the more Allura thought about it, but the more she was _sure _there were multiple. She _had _to get to them. Everything faded away as she ran toward the familiar cries for help. She could already imagine the charred flesh from a blaster wound, the keening cry and wavering _cillica _marks—

Someone stepped in front of her, speaking urgently. Three eyes. Not Altean. Allura shoved them aside, still running, her head swiveling frantically. She had to figure out where—

—_screams in every direction, flames licking the walls, the stark, acidic smell of equipment burning, stinging her eyes—_

“—lura! ALLURA!”

Who was following her? And why? Couldn’t they see she was _busy_? She had to find them. She had to _save _them. Before—before—

The Blue Paladin grabbed her elbow. “Hey,” he sounded breathless and was he supposed to be this skinny? Was it really the Blue Paladin or someone else in his armor? “Allura, what’s going on? We can help.”

Allura’s tongue stuck in her mouth. “I need—I need—”

“Lance, I think…”

“Yeah, I _got _that, Keith!”

The Blue Paladin smiled charmingly at her, almost enough to get her to relax. “It’s going to be all right, Allura. Okay?” he said. “Trust us, yeah? We just need to get you back to the Castle—”

“NO!”

Shut in the cold of a cyropod again, forced to sleep while she lost everything she had even known, waking up after everything had changed—

“Allura!”

“WAIT!”

No. _No no no! _Never again. She had to—she couldn’t—Not _again!_

Allura’s heart was racing in little quivers along her skin. She wasn’t going to let them stop her again. This time she was going to _save them._

More people flooded into the hallway, trying to block her. Allura body slammed them out her way. There wasn’t time for anything nicer. She could hear the booms of ion canons in the distance, Galra coming closer. There were Alteans in the building. She had to find them before it was too late.

Communication buzzed on her earrings, so Allura turned them off. But they kept turning back on again.

_“Princess, what’s your status—?_”

Turn off. A few moments of peace. Then.

Click.

_"Princess, where are you?_”

Off.

_“Princess—”_

Off.

Where _were _they? She could hear screaming from multiple directions, why couldn’t she _find _them?

"_…keeps turning her coms off. I can reboot manually but—”_

Off.

_“…not working. Pidge, try contacting Coran. Hunk, how long will those repairs be? We need—”_

Off.

_“—don’t think she can hear us, Shiro! The Jirell are really not happy. She’s kinda, like, destroying their city.”_

_“Hold on. I got an idea.”_

_"KEITH!”_

Allura caught sight of movement out of the corner of her eye and ducked, but her assailant didn’t move the way she expected, weaving beneath her arms and catching her foot instead. Allura fell into a wall. She felt a hand pressed to her back, and then it was replaced with the flat of a blade across her shoulders.

“Allura,” said a hoarse, rough voice. “Calm down. We need to—”

He was going to take her back to the Castle. He was trying to capture her again. Quintessence surged into Allura’s limbs and bones. She grew the extra foot she needed to break his hold, and—before he had a chance to adjust—reached back and grabbed him. She felt the bones in his wrist give way under her grip. Even as he yelled in pain, she used that wrist to swing him around and throw him across the hall.

**_"KEITH!” _**Multiple voices rang out, both from her earrings and in the air around her. Allura gave up turning off her earrings and just set running. _  
_

_“—’m fine.”_

_“Allura just threw you like twenty feet! Guys, Keith’s definitely broken something, and Allura—I think the Jirell are going to try to take her out if she keeps up like this! They’re really angry. Shiro, I don’t—I can’t—”_

_“Keep Allura in your sights, Lance. Keith, Hunk is heading your way. Get out of danger and wait for pick up. Pidge is grabbing Coran.”_

Why couldn't she find the Alteans?? They should be _right here. _Where were they? Were they hidden? Trapped?

_"Shiro, I’m following Allura—trying to, anyway—but I don’t think I can stop her! She’s kind of really freaking out. Like tearing doors apart freaking out, and you didn’t see how she threw Keith! I don’t think she knows it’s us!”_

_“Understood. I’m heading for your location now, Lance. Just keep track of where she is. Don’t engage her. Do you understand? Do NOT engage.”_

Allura batted her earrings off again. She didn’t know who was chattering on them, but it sounded like they wanted to stop her, and they _couldn’t_. Allura refused to be locked away again. She kept her quintessence reinforced form and torn through anything that got in her way. She would rip this silvered-pearl city apart brick by brick if that was what it took to save her people. 

Allura grew more frantic with every passing tick. She could _hear _them, crying for help, could see the black smoke filling the hallways, felt the shock vibrations from ion blasts, and yet room after room held nothing but the three-eyed aliens who tried to stop her. How was she failing her people yet _again_?

No. There had to be a way. Allura wheeled around and started running in the opposite direction. Maybe she had just missed them. She spotted a door on the side and slammed her shoulder through it. Maybe this way… She could hear them so _clearly. _Why couldn’t she find them???

Shots fired at her, barely clipping her hair. Allura paused long enough to rip off the nearest door and throw it in the direction of the perpetrator, but then she was off again. There was yelling behind her, some angry, some panicked or worried, but the cries of the Alteans were worse. She could see something lighter in the distance, something _different, _and ran towards that. The shouting behind her grew higher, more alarmed, and almost made it through—

Suddenly, the ground beneath her _shook. _Shock rippled through the floor, causing her to stumble, fingers catching on the ground before she caught her balance again and pushed herself up to continue running. She had to get out. She had to—

She hit the—doors? wall? did it matter?—at full speed. Yelling, metal shrieking, bright light sheering her eyes, and for one moment, weightlessness. No. Not weightlessness. _Fal_—

Something hard and heavy slammed into her side. Armored arms around her waist. The next few moments were a confusing tangle of jerking and sound and movement. She landed, face down on metal, someone heavy on top of her. Allura struggled automatically, but they had her arms trapped behind her back and were pinning her with their weight. She heard gears whining as she fought against the hold. She could move her arms some, but not enough, the leverage was all wrong.

“NO!” Allura’s was voice hoarse and scratched and shrieked. “No! No no no!”

“Princess! _Princess. _ALLURA!”

Something of her name got through to her. That voice. Her name. She had heard that voice scream her name like that before.

Shiro’s gloved hand reached down to her face, turning her chin, clearing her airways.

“Allura. Come on. Talk to me, Allura. What’s happening? What do you see?”

Allura took advantage of his shifted weight to shake him off of her. She rolled onto to her back and scrambled away, but didn’t go far. In part because she had barely moved a foot before Shiro’s hand flashed out and clamped around her wrist. (His Galra arm, so _that’s _why she couldn’t move it. And yet at the same time, she hadn’t realized it was that _strong_.)

“Allura, what’s wrong? Tell me.” Shiro used his Black Paladin voice. The one that wasn’t so much comforting as assuring, that said there was A Problem, and he was going to solve it.

And, Allura realized, here was the one person who would understand enough to help her.

“The Alteans!” she cried.

“What?” said Shiro.

But Allura was already moving, clinging desperately to his arms. “The Alteans! They’re here! We have to save them!”

She started to stand up, dragging Shiro with her, but he was surprisingly uncooperative.

“Wait! Allura—”

“They’re _here!_” she shrieked. “Can’t you hear them? They’re _dying!_”

To her horror, tears started to well up in her eyes. If even _Shiro _wouldn’t help her—

“You have to! Please! We have to save them!”

“Oh, Allura.” For a moment, Shiro’s voice was soft (No! She needed him to fight!) but then his eyebrows came down. He gripped her shoulders with both hands. “Allura, listen to me. I will _never _let innocent people suffer if I can help it. Do you believe me?”

Allura jerked against the tears that threatened to spill. “Then why wouldn’t you _help_!”

"Allura, I ca—”

“NO!” Because if Shiro finished his sentence. If _Shiro _couldn’t— “No! This time—I have to be able to—You have to!”

“You can hear them?” said Shiro, full Black Paladin voice.

“_Yes_,” cried Allura. “Please, Shiro, _please._”

“I will help anyone I can,” promised Shiro solemnly, and Allura believed him to the bottom of her soul. So she didn’t understand why he was taking off his helmet.

“Why—?”

"Trust me,” said Shiro.

She did. She _did_, even when everything in the universe seemed horrifically wrong.

Shiro placed his helmet on her head, wrestling it a bit to get it over her hair, and flicked the catch to enable the vacuum seal. He said something, but it was muffled by the helmet.

“What?” said Allura, anxious and confused about why she had his helmet on and what was going on? Why were they wasting time on this?

_"Can you hear me?” _Shiro shouted. But his voice came across warped and barely audible, inhibited by the vacuum seal of the helmet.

Allura nodded once, and Shiro seemed encouraged by that.

_“Can you still hear them?”_

YES. What sort of question was that? Of course she could hear them, screaming in her ears as pained and panicked as ever—

And—

And she could hear them. Exactly the same as before.

Shiro’s voice came across warped and distorted, but she could still hear the Alteans screaming perfectly clearly.

Allura looked at Shiro, terror swelling in her eyes.

Shiro disengaged the vacuum seal, but the helmet stayed on. “They’re not real.”

“_No_,” breathed Allura. Not so much a denial as pure _pain._

“I’m sorry,” said Shiro.

“I can _hear _them,” cried Allura. “They’re—they need my help.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Shiro repeated. “Allura, if we could help them, do you think I would stop you?”

No. Of course he wouldn’t. And that’s what made it so much worse. Because she knew if there was anything they could do, Shiro _would _do it. And if he wasn’t—

She pulled the helmet off and instead pressed her hands to her ears. It didn’t make a difference.

“They’re screaming. They’re _dying._”

“It’s not real,” said Shiro, kindly, achingly, like he knew how little a difference that made.

Allura held her ears and whimpered.

“The food you ate—it’s causing paranoia and hallucinations.”

Allura knew that. _Had _known it. She’d just…lost track of it for a moment. And it didn’t make anything _better_.

“It feels _real_.” Allura’s voice climbed a pitch without her permission. Pretty soon, she wasn’t going to be able to stop freaking out again, no matter how much she told herself that the screaming voices were just in her head.

“I know it does.” Shiro reached over slowly, uncurling her fingers from where they were digging into her ears. He tugged on her until she collapsed against his side. Allura pressed her face against his shoulder. The hard planes dug into her eyebrow, and her check stuck to the hard metal. She squeezed her eyes shut as if if she couldn’t see, she wouldn’t hear the screams and accusations shaking her skull. Shiro’s arms came around her, secure, tight (probably preventing her from running again). “Allura,” he said. “I promise you, we will never leave behind people we can help.”

Allura’s eyebrows scrunched up. She was shaking badly, and only Shiro’s arms around her were keeping her from falling apart. “They’re asking why I won’t. They’re saying I left them.”

“You didn’t,” said Shiro. “You wouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I did! I’m a coward.”

Shiro huffed something like a laugh. “Allura, you are the furthest thing from a coward I’ve ever met. You’re scared now because of the drug. You’ll be back to yourself once it’s over.”

Allura’s fingers dug into the fabric at Shiro’s back. The screams of the dying were unbearable. She almost thought she should be choking on smoke, but when she breathed in, all she could smell was the metal tang of armor and something of Shiro—his sweat, perhaps. One of his hands was in her hair, gloved fingers covering her ear, and it wasn’t doing anything, but it was still a kindness.

“How much longer?” Allura whimpered.

“Just a little bit,” said Shiro. “Pidge flew off to get Coran as soon as Lance told us what happened. They should be back any minute now.”

Any minute. That could be doboshes. Allura shuddered, and Shiro held her close.

Allura’s earrings buzzed again. Shiro picked up his helmet, placing it on his head and talking into it, but Allura couldn’t make out the words. There was too much. She focused on Shiro, the dig of his armor into her cheek, the way his hands closed over her head and back, the smell of him and puffs of breath he took. Just a bit longer. If Shiro was here, that meant…that meant there really was nothing she could do for the painful cries she could hear, but at least she knew it was true. Just a little longer. Then it would all be over. She just had to hold on for—

Voices exploded over her, vibrating her earrings, mixing violently with the cacophony already in her head. Allura whimpered and pressed her face deeper into Shiro’s shoulder. She felt him stroke her hair. He was saying something, but it all mixed with everything else exploding around her and she couldn’t make sense of the words.

And then there were hands, different hands on her, and a deeply familiar voice.

“Princess? Princess, are you there?”

Allura lifted her head. “_Coran_.”

His blessedly familiar face was inches from her own. “Got a taste of the old _argri _sap, eh?” he said, but his eyes were kind. “Hold on just a tick. We’ve got the antidote right here. Shiro, if you would…”

“Got it,” said Shiro, and dimly, Allura registered that he was pinning her in place. She didn’t like it and her fingers trembled, but with Coran here she couldn’t work herself into a panic just yet.

“Please,” she whispered.

“Just a tick,” repeated Coran. “Breathe with me, Princess. Nice and slow.” He brushed her hair off her neck. “Now there’s no need to panic. Just breathe.”

A needle pierced her neck. Allura gasped but managed not to lash out. She held her breath until finally, the sting went away. Coran stroked her hair again.

“That’s it, Princess. It’ll kick in in just a dobosh. You’re all right.”

Allura shuddered. Shiro was saying something, low and quiet, but it didn’t sound like it was to her, so she didn’t pay attention. The antidote was kicking in. It felt like there was ice creeping through her veins, cracking along her fingertips, filling her until…

It was like waking up from a terrible dream. She was vividly, viscerally in her body again. Adrenaline was still jangling in her veins, but the surging panic was gone. Along with the booms and screams and visions of fire and smoke. She blinked, almost surprised to see Shiro’s chestplate in front of her. And slowly, it came back. The Jirell. The _agri _sap. The plan to go back to the Castle before the hallucinations hit.

The hallucinations…

It suddenly came crashing down that nothing she believed in the last half varga was _real_. For a moment—a horrible but tantalizing moment—she had believed that there were other Alteans and that she could save them. It had been painful and terrifying, but she had believed they were _there. _And now she had to face that they had never existed at all.

Allura wept bitterly. How many times was she going to have to lose her people? First in the cryopod, then her father’s AI, and every time she woke from a nightmare. Like ripping the scab off a barely closed wound. Why did she have to lose them yet _again?_

It wasn’t like Allura to let herself break down, though. So gradually, she pulled herself back together. She wiped the tears from her face and looked up.

Shiro said nothing when she met his eyes, just paused the hand gently rubbing her back. There was slight pressure, maybe one finger on her shoulder blade, but nothing but acceptance and non-judgment on his face. Allura knew he would never speak of what he had witnessed to anyone and was supremely grateful for it. If anyone, at least it was Shiro.

Allura pushed herself up and made to push away, but Shiro caught her before she got far.

“Princess, wait—”

“Why…?”

But then Allura actually looked around, and her heart leapt to her throat.

They were not in an abandoned hallway as she had assumed. Instead, they were perched on a tiny ledge on the _outside _of the sky city. One false move, and they could be plunging thousands of miles to their deaths. Nearby, maybe a foot or two above their heads, Allura could see the ruined remains of what were likely hangar doors.

“Oh.”

“Hunk and Keith were bellow in Yellow. They would have caught you,” said Shiro. He swallowed, and his voice came out quieter. “But I’m glad it didn’t come to that.”

Allura nodded. “You saved me,” she said, still staring at the crumbled and deformed doors.

"I did my best,” said Shiro.

Allura turned back to Shiro. There were lines under his eyes, and he looked worried. No. Shiro always looked worried. He was just normally better at hiding it. She placed a hand on his bicep.

“I’m sorry.”

Shiro shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Allura looked around again, doing her best not to look at the endless drop through yellow clouds below. Normally, heights didn’t bother her, but after realizing how close they were to the cause of her death, the thought made her squeamish.

“Where is everyone?”

“Coran went to help the others put Keith in a pod,” said Shiro.

_Oh, _remembered Allura. _Keith. _How badly had she hurt him? Her stomach twisted.

Shiro ducked his head. “I…actually encouraged it.”

That was enough to momentarily derail Allura’s guilt. “What do you mean?”

“I…” Shiro licked his lips and started again. “I thought you might not want an audience. Coming out of it.”

There was something there. Something Allura should be picking up on, but she was worn and emotionally exhausted and besides, after a moment of consideration, she _did _appreciate that Shiro had been the only one to witness her breakdown and even now the weakness she could still feel in her bones.

Shakily, doing her best to stay far, _far _from the edge, Allura stood up. Shiro followed, standing between her and empty air. She didn’t want to think she needed the protection, but privately, she was grateful. It was no great difficulty to climb back into the hangar—for that was indeed what it was. Though more than one ship had been tipped over or damaged and there was debris and clutter strewn everywhere, like the aftermath of a tornado.

“Was that…?”

“You, mostly,” finished Shiro.

Oh. Allura’s stomach twisted, but Shiro’s hand landed on her shoulder.

“They were the ones who drugged you. Without your knowledge,” he said. “It’s not your fault they weren’t prepared for the consequences.”

Shiro’s voice turned dark at the end. Allura looked back and saw that the corners of his lips were pressed down. Oh. Shiro was angry. Maybe more than she would have expected.

“I still wish I hadn’t,” said Allura.

“Course,” replied Shiro. “But it wasn’t your fault.”

Right. No, Shiro was _right_. The Jirell had drugged her with no warning, no consent, not even good intentions, and that was _wrong. _She wished she hadn’t lost control of herself, but the onus wasn’t on her.

Allura met Shiro’s eyes and saw immediately that they were in agreement:

Diplomatic relations with the Jirell were officially at an end.

Allura squared her shoulders. She saw some Jirell coming out of the woodworks, likely wanting to say _something _to her, but she had no interest in it. She nodded to Shiro and fell into step beside him as he led them out of the room, both of the blatantly ignoring calls now coming from the Jirell behind them. Once again, she was deeply grateful that Shiro was the one who was present. Shiro, who understood the power of a silent exit, Shiro who could predict her plans and follow through perfectly, Shiro who even now was guiding her out of the hangar without giving the outward indication that he was doing more than walking beside her.

And then Allura recognized their destination immediately when they entered the hallway and she spotted the Black Lion’s massive head torn through the side of the city.

(Somehow, it made Allura feel better than Shiro hadn’t exactly been careful of destruction of property either.)

Black’s eyes lit up as soon as Shiro came near. Following him, Allura climbed in automatically and felt a heaviness settle around her heart. She had never been inside Black while Zarkon was the Black Paladin, but she had many times fighting the Galra with Shiro and somehow… Reality seemed to sink in her as she entered the cockpit. There was no Altea. Her reality was here, with the war they shouldn’t be able to win, that they were fighting anyway, the weight of the universe and Voltron on her shoulders. 

“Princess? Are you all right?”

Shiro had climbed into the cockpit behind her. Instead of taking his seat, he hesitated, dark eyes searching hers.

“Of course I am,” said Allura with a well practiced smile, the kind that spoke of ease and confidence she didn’t remotely feel.

Shiro hesitated still, apparently not entirely willing to pretend he bought it this time.

“It’s okay if you’re not. If you need more time—I understand.”

Again, the sense that she was missing something obvious. But Allura was so tired and exhausted, and she hated the idea that _every single one _of the paladins had heard her freaking out over the coms. Forget whatever the Jirell had witnessed. She had to be put together and in control. She was a _Princess._

“It’s over, isn’t it?” said Allura, doing her best to reach her normal tone.

Shiro just raised his eyebrows. “Is it?”

He had that blank, non-judgmental expression on that often Allura appreciated, but sometimes—like right now—drove her absolutely crazy.

“Allura…” Shiro cleared his throat. His voice came out lower. Rough. “You just had to relive an awful moment from your life. If it takes you some time to come back, that’s understandable.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly right. She didn’t really relive anything. It was more like—

Wait.

_Shiro _said “relive.”

It clicked. What she was missing. The obvious piece she should have picked up on. And it came with a surge of she should have _known _and _I had no idea…_

“Shiro, you—”

Shiro cut her off with a squeeze to her shoulder. “What you just went through was horrible. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

Because he would know. Better than anyone. She just hadn’t realized how real it was until this moment.

“Nor I on you,” she whispered.

Shiro just shrugged his shoulders, his back to her. “Nothing you can do about it.”

He made to sit in the pilot chair, but Allura caught his elbow just before he could.

“No! That’s not true!”

Shiro met her eyes with a sigh. “Allura, be honest. Did any of my actions make any difference?”

“_Yes_,” insisted Allura. “You couldn’t fix it or change anything, but having you there helped. It was better than being alone.”

Shiro made an odd click in the back of his throat, and he looked away, his eyes suspiciously bright. Gently, Allura reached out and cupped his jaw.

“You don’t have to bear it alone, Shiro,” she murmured.

Shiro swallowed. His eyes were still overbright when he looked at her. “And what about you, Princess? I know you don’t tell us all you struggle with.”

A direct hit. One that made her feel soft-skinned and vulnerable. But it was Shiro. Allura set her shoulders. “Then we shoulder it together,” she declared. “Neither of us has to be alone.”

She started out strong but her voice became raw at then end. Her hand shook, and Shiro took it, gently bringing it down between them and folding their fingers together.

“Together then,” he said softly. He took a breath. His eyes softened. “Allura, I am so sorry about Altea.”

She wished he wouldn’t say it like that, in his deep, sincere voice that leaked with compassion. It made her all too liable to cry. She swallowed hard and squeezed his fingers.

“Just…” Her voice was still coming out too soft, not proper like she wanted it. But Shiro had never held her weakness against her. Even knowing they weren’t real, never _were _real, she could still remember the panicked and accusatory screams, demanding to know why she wouldn’t help them. “Just promise me you’ll never send me away from the fight.”

“I—”

“Promise me, Shiro.” Allura squeezed his hands too desperate, too tight. “I can’t—I can’t do it again. I can’t be the only one. _Please_.”

Shiro looked down at their hands held between them, and when he looked up again his expression was a reminder of why he was their Black Paladin, their rock, who they all relied on when all else had failed. Sometimes Shiro reminded Allura of her father, with his goodness, his compassion and servant leadership, but in the end, Alfor had given up up hope.

Shiro though… Shiro _endured._

“Well, we’re Voltron, aren’t we?” he said, like it was a forgone conclusion. “That includes you, Princess. We’ll fight as long as there’s anyone to save.”

The Black Lion settled near perfectly in her hangar, despite being guided by only one of its paladin’s hands. The other, Allura held between both her own. Shiro’s hadn’t said anything about having to fly one handed (indeed, Shiro’s connection with the Black Lion was such that he probably didn’t _need _his hands at all), and he still didn’t say anything about it when they landed. He twisted in his seat to meet her eyes.

“Are you ready, Princess?” his voice was soft and gentle, the kind wasn’t expecting a particular answer from her. As raw as the gentleness made her feel, Allura did, reluctantly, appreciate it.

It was Shiro, she reminded herself. She could trust him: he had proven himself again and again to her.

So Allura took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s go.”

And if Allura still didn’t let go of his hand, Shiro only stood a little closer, lending her his support.

They exited the Black Lion together. Allura prepared herself to speak to the others, but before she could, Lance crashed into her.

“You’re okay!” He caught her in a surprisingly loose-limbed hug, like he was torn between giving her space and squeezing the life out of her, and let go before she could reciprocate. His face and armor were dirty and he looked uncharacteristically serious, but otherwise he seemed unharmed.

“I’m sorry! We tried to help you, we really did, but we thought you were just noticing something that we didn’t and by the time we figured it out—”

“No need to apologize, Lance,” said Allura. “You did wonderfully. I should be the one apologizing. I rather lost control—”

“No, no. Nope!” said Lance, making a slashing movement. “You were drugged with freaky paranoia juice. No apologizing here!”

“Keith said the same thing,” added Hunk, who had just arrived and squeezed Allura in a hug that nearly rocked her off her feet. “He wouldn’t go in the healing pod until we promised to tell you that he didn’t blame you at _least _ten times.”

“And Pidge zapped him with her bayard,” added Lance.

“_Pidge_,” sighed Shiro.

“You’re the only one he listens to,” said Pidge, shoving herself between Hunk and Lance. “The rest of us have to resort of creative solutions. How are you, Allura?”

“Much better, I think—”

“Good,” interrupted Pidge. “Because apparently it’s a different strain from what you had in Altea. Coran thought the antidote might not work completely. We’ve synthesized a couple different variations in case it didn’t work or if it comes back later. Just let us know.”

“It’s awful,” said Hunk, his eyebrows coming down stubbornly. “Forcing you to live through the worst things your brain can throw at you? That’s torture. No way are we allying with those people.”

“Yeah, no kidding. And they didn’t even have any hot chicks! Talk about a useless planet!”

“Do you have to make _everything _about your love life?” complained Pidge.

"Ex-CUSE you—!”

Lance and Pidge started bickering with Hunk subtly egging them on while he herded them all to the medical wing where apparently Coran wanted to give her one last check over. And yet they were Voltron. They were the ones who filled her Castle with yelling and whining and laughter and who had dropped everything to come for her when she had lost control. She had hurt one of them—badly—and yet they surrounded her, circled around like an honor guard, not blaming her in the slightest.

Allura’s eyes felt hot. Pressing her lips together, she stopped trying to follow Lance’s long list of personal objections and met Shiro’s eyes. His raised his eyebrows, an expression that meant both _They’re completely crazy _and _Don’t you adore them? _Allura blinked rapidly.

Without looking at her, Shiro threaded his fingers through hers and squeezed lightly. _You’re not alone._

Together.

Ten thousand years ago, Allura had had to watch as her planet burned and she had been torn away before she could do anything to help. And now there were billions of people who had been enslaved for millennia, oppressed and suffering, and what did she have?

One royal adviser, almost a second father, who loved her, supported her, and kept them going with whatever a wild encyclopedia of knowledge could offer.

Four young paladins who fought with a ferocity and a _hope _that constantly surprised her—and their enemies (to their detriment).

And one Black Paladin, who had been through hell, who still carried too much of it with him, and yet who simply turned around with a determination to destroy that hell before it could swallow anyone else.

She had Voltron. And this time—

_This _time—

They were going to win.

**Author's Note:**

> Which they do. Without losing anyone because this is a better reality where the later seasons don't exist.
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated!


End file.
